Wednesday, June 4
"Juggling Oratorians. This is actually pretty normal by my standards."
"...So I was really disappointed they didn't use the Unity Candle." (Said ironically.)
Me: (to bride and groom, who'd picked Agnes as their patron) ...St. Agnes's skull. I lived down the street from where they had it in Rome. It was about the size of a baseball.
Girl, passing by: A skull the size of a baseball?
Me: Sorry, bad table-talk.
Girl: No, I love hearing about relics!
"...an Italian Bilbo Baggins..."
(On a surplice) "It looks veddy Anglican."
"It's very pastoral. Whatever that means."
"I'm sure there are Greek Orthodox nerds, too."
"Ahhh. Wretched excess."
"I've never heard of Arthur Treacher."
Guest #1: I think you scared that waitress away.
Guest #2: Those little shrimps were frighteningly spicy. I can't take any chances.
A couple explains their meeting-story:
"I was very clear about the fact I wanted her to know I'd been to confession already."
"In the Lutheran church, we could be acolytes as soon as we were tall enough to hold a candle."
Protestant Friend: So why did they stop using the Tridentine Rite?
Me: Do you want the short version or the five-hour one?
"Ah, now you did look like a Novus Ordo MC, with your hand-gestures..." (not said scornfully, but just objectively. Maybe I need to channel more Fortescue and less Marini Uno.)
"She's being de-bustled."
"I feel like it's 1890!"
"Those priests just took my parking space." (I'm about to ask him how he could tell at this distance it was a priest, but I look down the street and see a man in a cassock coming out of a car. Once again, very normal.)
(The groom enters the reception in full white tie and executes a flawless waltz with his bride.) "Way to go, Captain von Trapp!"
And last, but not least:
Evangelical girl: So is this Mass really old school, then?