Thursday, February 28


Clear Evidence I Should Not Own a TV

Besides all the other obvious reasons, two specific examples:

1. The following scenario: A landing party of pirates in stereotypical buccaneer outfits (with a hint of Jack Sparrow) are just throwing the final spadefuls of sand on top of an iron-bound chest. One particularly weasely-looking fellow with clear abandonment issues leftover from childhood insists repeatedly to the captain that they have to be absolutely sure the treasure is safe, and how could they ever figure that out? Just when you expect someone's going to get marooned or possibly summarily executed, the captain stabs a sign with "Protected by ACME Security Co." (or something like that) into the sand by the buried treasure. Questions: 1. Didn't they just steal all this stuff off the Manila Galleon? Should ACME even be involving themselves with these people? At the very least, it's fallen off the back of a carrick, and at worst, someone's had their throat cut. 2. Isn't the sign going to be kind of a tipoff since it's all alone on the beach? 3. What security system does the Manila Galleon use, and hasn't someone alerted Consumer Reports about this?

2. If the phrase "it tastes like a pretzel and yet it has its cracker side, all together," starts a brief bout of introspection about Monophysitism, then clearly something is wrong.

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