Friday, October 26
If Only I Had Brought my Mongoose Costume
Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) and his grubby dogsbody Baldrick (Tony Robinson) have made a bet with the airhead friends of their master, the Prince Regent (Hugh Laurie), that they can smuggle a French aristo out of revolutionary Paris and beat the show-off Scarlet Pimpernel at his own game. Blackadder being Blackadder, he has an easier solution to the problem than death-defying feats of strength. It involves money and lies.
[Edmund and Baldrick approach Frou Frou. Edmund scrapes leftovers off of Frou Frou's table onto a plate, then offers the plate to Baldrick.]
Edmund: Now you can some lunch, Baldrick.
Baldrick: Thank you. [leaves the coffee shop]
Edmund: [addresses Frou Frou] Le Comte de Frou Frou, I believe...
Frou Frou: [looks up, with outrageous French accent] Ahhnh?
Edmund: [sitting at the table] Do you speak English?
Frou Frou: A litle...
Edmund: Yes, when you say "a little," what exactly do you mean? I mean, can we talk? or are we going to spend the rest of the afternoon asking each other the way to the beach in very loud voices?
Frou Frou: Ah, no. I can, er, order coffee, deal with waiters, make sexy chit-chat with girls -- that type of thing.
Edmund: Oh, good.
Frou Frou: Just don't ask me to take a physiology class or direct a light opera.
Edmund: No, no, I won't. [propositioning] Now, listen, Frou Frou ... Would you like to earn some money?
Frou Frou: No, I wouldn't. I would like other people to earn it and then give it to me, just like in France in the good old days.
Edmund: Yes, but this is a chance to return to the good old days.
Frou Frou: Oh, how I would love that! I hate this life! The food is filthy! This huge sausage is very suspicious. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a horse's wi--
Edmund: Yes, yes, yes, all right... Now, listen; the plan is this: I have a bet on with someone that I can get a Frenchman out of Paris. I want you to be that Frenchman. All you have to do is come to the embassy with me, say that I rescued you, and then walk away with fifty guineas and all the vol-au-vents you can stuff in your pockets. What do you say?
Frou Frou: It will be a pleasure! If there's one thing we aristocrats enjoy, it's a fabulous partieeee! Oh, the musique! Oh, the laughter! Oh -- if only I'd brought my mongoose costume!