Wednesday, October 31
Holy Whapping Television Network (HWTN) Has a New Sponsor
MARSHAL RADETZKY is sitting at an elegant table for one in the main restaurant of the Sacher Hotel. He is resplendent in full dress, spangled with braid. The star of the Order of Maria Theresa is pinned on his chest, a napkin tucked in at his collar. He is clearly ready to chow down, knife and fork at the ready.
A WAITER slides in, and whips off the silver dome of his tray.
WAITER: Here is your Sacher Torte, Herr General.
EMPEROR FRANZ JOSEPH appears from behind a large potted palm, in full imperial robes. He whacks RADETZKY across the forehead with his scepter.
EMPEROR: Dummkopf! You coulda had an Imperial Torte!
VOICEOVER: Imperial Torte: A Dessert Fit for An Emperor. Albeit One Ruling Over an Increasingly Ramshackle Multiethnic Realm With a Lot of Very Cranky Slavs. Accept No Imitations.*
*No doubt you've heard of the new breakfast cereal endorsed by the House of Hohenzollern, Kaiser Crunch?