Monday, August 21


If I ran ETWN's Promo Department

SCENE: A church interior. Strangely unhip electronic Reggae-style music is playing. Two women in unitards, of an age and shape when the possession of a unitard is a mortal sin against charity rather than chastity, are cavorting around the sanctuary with streamers.

The music stops, with the abrupt sound of a record squealing.

The camera pulls back to see a seated man wearing a black cassock, white surplice, biretta and a red deacon's stole with the word RED RUBRIC in white. He stands up, thrusts out his hand, a Red Rubric Brand Missal held up proudly. The dancers scatter. Camera pulls in.

RED RUBRIC DEACON: (Jamaican accent) Boo, creepy liturgical dancers! (A priest in a fiddleback chausible holding a covered chalice walks in and goes up to the altar.) Hooray Mass!

Cut to still life of chalice, missal on stand, and paten.

DEACON: (Voice-over, with flashing caption to match) It's Mass! HOORAY Mass!


(Okay, if you don't get the joke, maybe this will help.)

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