Hi, this post is all about guards, SWISS GUARDS. This post is awesome. My name is Commandant Pius Segmüller and I can't stop thinking about Swiss Guards. These guys are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet. Like Swiss Cheese, but with a black belt in karate and a totally sweet uniform.



Facts:

1. Swiss Guards are mammals.
2. Swiss Guards stand guard and eat bratwurst ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the Swiss Guard is to flip out and protect the Pope against heretics with lasers. And carabineri in short school-busses.

Equipment:



Morion


Michelangelo-Designed Uniform


Cheese


Halberd

I heard that there was this Swiss Guard who was eating at a sidewalk café in Piazza Navona. And when some carabineri dropped a spoon the Swiss Guard flipped out and jumped on everyone with his halberd. My friend Colonel Nünlist said that he saw a Swiss Guard totally uppercut some acolyte just because the acolyte got too close to the Pope's crozier.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that Swiss Guards have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will whap you with their halberds!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Swiss Guards are soooooooo sweet that I want to start singing Long Live the Pope. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Swiss Guards are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start fencing next year. I love Swiss Guards with all of my spirit (including my rational soul).

Questions & Answers

Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about Swiss Guards?
A: Swiss Guards are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they're guards, and flip out and don't give a darn, but on the other hand, they're Swiss, and are very careful and precise, especially involving cheese.

Q: What do Swiss Guards do when they're not whapping heretics with their halberds or flipping out?
A: Most of their free time is spent flying with papal rocket-powered jetpacks, but sometime they drink beer and eat pizza and polish up their morions. (Ask Colonel Nünlist if you don't believe me.)



This is a picture of my best friend Colonel Nünlist getting ready to flip out. He's a lot older than me and almost gotten the Order of the Golden Spur, which is braggable.