Thursday, November 4
Futher Rubbish from the Encyclopedia of Failed Ideas
Chia Hypothesis. A discredited evolutionary theory advanced by Dr. Tobias ffoulkes (1799-1867), a minor colleague of Darwin's, if by colleague you mean he crashed a few times on the evolutionist's futon, after spending much of the night at the Royal Geographical Society hooked up to a beer bong, while the two of them were at the University of Edinburgh. ffoulkes, while serving as a surgeon on the H.M.S. Bloodhound discovered a strange domesticated creature kept by a number of Amazonian tribes which appeared to bridge the gap between plant and animal due to the luxuriant growth of chlorophyll-bearing hairs running the ridge of its back. The natives called it the chia, and he would later give it the scientific name of genus chia, species chia He later enumerated in his work On the Origin of Kitsch (1850) two sub-species, the feral, or wild chia (chia chia ferus), and the domesticated, or chia pet (chia chia chia, or ch-ch-ch-chia, for short). While initially thinking they were New World cousins to the mythical vegetable lamb, he later invented an elaborate hypothesis suggesting they were the result of an unfortunate liaison between a tumbleweed and a guinea pig. Darwin hotly contested this by suggesting he go back to his beer bongs. While largely discredited, his theories on the limited syllabification of chia communication have become of interest again as they provide much insight into the parallel field of Pokemon phoneme analysis.
Witherspoon, Sir Archibald (1905-1985). Freudian psychoanalyst-turned-stage director, most famous for arguing in his 1964 monography Danes in Drag that Fortimbras was, in fact, a transvestite. His principal argument was based on the fact that Fortimbras's name means, in old French, either "strong in arms" or "strong in women's underthings," depending on which old Frenchman you ask. He died in a freak staging accident during a rehearsal of a cubist version of Titus Andronicus when a twice-life-size 3-dimensional plaster version of Nude Descending a Staircase crushed him like a bad tomato.
Chia Hypothesis. A discredited evolutionary theory advanced by Dr. Tobias ffoulkes (1799-1867), a minor colleague of Darwin's, if by colleague you mean he crashed a few times on the evolutionist's futon, after spending much of the night at the Royal Geographical Society hooked up to a beer bong, while the two of them were at the University of Edinburgh. ffoulkes, while serving as a surgeon on the H.M.S. Bloodhound discovered a strange domesticated creature kept by a number of Amazonian tribes which appeared to bridge the gap between plant and animal due to the luxuriant growth of chlorophyll-bearing hairs running the ridge of its back. The natives called it the chia, and he would later give it the scientific name of genus chia, species chia He later enumerated in his work On the Origin of Kitsch (1850) two sub-species, the feral, or wild chia (chia chia ferus), and the domesticated, or chia pet (chia chia chia, or ch-ch-ch-chia, for short). While initially thinking they were New World cousins to the mythical vegetable lamb, he later invented an elaborate hypothesis suggesting they were the result of an unfortunate liaison between a tumbleweed and a guinea pig. Darwin hotly contested this by suggesting he go back to his beer bongs. While largely discredited, his theories on the limited syllabification of chia communication have become of interest again as they provide much insight into the parallel field of Pokemon phoneme analysis.
Witherspoon, Sir Archibald (1905-1985). Freudian psychoanalyst-turned-stage director, most famous for arguing in his 1964 monography Danes in Drag that Fortimbras was, in fact, a transvestite. His principal argument was based on the fact that Fortimbras's name means, in old French, either "strong in arms" or "strong in women's underthings," depending on which old Frenchman you ask. He died in a freak staging accident during a rehearsal of a cubist version of Titus Andronicus when a twice-life-size 3-dimensional plaster version of Nude Descending a Staircase crushed him like a bad tomato.
![[SMMMHDH]](http://www.mgilleland.com/music/smmmhdh.png){kind=small}
