Assorted Quotes from the Road Trip

Andy: Putting "of Antioch" behind any word makes it sound holier.

Matt: I thought pantsing someone was like a really bad wedgie.

Talking about our first day back at school:

Andy: See you tomorrow at lunch, Emily?
Emily: I'm never at lunch on Mondays. Tuesdays, of course. I can't do it on Mondays. I've got class at 12:50.
Matt: Aww.
Emily: Well, I'm flattered I've been missed, but it's really kinda like the opposite since it seems you've been hallucinating my presence at lunch when I wasn't there.
Matt: Maybe it was your evil twin.
Emily: (Thinks about it for a moment) But Matt, I'm the evil twin!

Brian (despairing at Matt's fascination with the Midwest): He asked me if that was CORN.

Matt: Alice, ah yes, my imaginary sister studying at Marquette who plays cello and has a drinking problem...

Andy: I think they think we were the Schauss family. Despite the fact all of us are the same age, and none of us look alike, and are variously half-Cuban, half-Chinese, Asian, Nordic, dark-haired, blonde...

A priest we met: I don't believe in giving people spiritual pabulum.

(Andy will have to tell that story himself, it's too good...)

Matt: Prepare the Buddha Robot!

Steve (singing to the tune of Ricky Martin): Livin' La Vita Nuova...

Matt: You know, the Canzoniere sounds actually pretty good to a rap beat...

Brian: I feel like I'm in a car commercial.

Emily: The boys all had to try on the biretta.

Andy: It's Captain Buddha! Here with his super-powers! Compassion! Selflessness! Mortification!

Assorted persons: I AM NORMAL! I AM NORMAL!

Andy: And if by seance, you mean baklava...

Matt: (Attempting to describe the Beatles) There was one piece that reminded me of Mozarabic Chant...

Matt: Now, if we've got Captain Buddha, what are his assistants called? The Buddhateers?
Steve: No, Superboddhisavas, of course.
Matt: (who gets the joke, sadly) Oh, duh!

Matt: Now, my other imaginary sister, Anastasia, um, Stacy, she goes to Collegeville...

Emily (sighting a liturgical horror): Don't look! Don't look!

Andy: Father Mad-lib. Yeah. I could see that.

Andy: We were eight wings away from revered Franciscan iconography!

Andy: I just want to take the whole parish home with us.

Matt: That statue of John the Baptist looks like something out of Alien.

Steve: Okay, we have Eminem on the CD player. Time to start reading Petrarch!

Matt: But...any woman named Laura can't be all bad.
Steve: (pause) Um...Oh yeah, Petrarch!! Very good!
Stunned silence from the rest of the table.
Andy: They operate on a whole different level, those two.

Signs held out the window of Brian's car for Andy to read while stuck in 5-mile-an-hour traffic in Wisconsin for roughly 2 hours:

SAVE ME!

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, THE CORN.

HELP ME I AM TRAPPED INSIDE A CAR WITH THREE LUNATICS (INCLUDING MYSELF).

MORE CORN!

LET'S GO COW TIPPING.

Matt: I was shouting out information about the historical development of vestments from one end of the van to the other.
Andy: And in what universe is that normal?

Sign on the side of a red all-American barn: Top-Shelf Genetics.

Steve: I've got the perfect name for a girl child! Anaphora Epiklesis!